Soo basically today (Well not just today) i realised that i am not very hairy at alll....
I barely have any armpit hair :s You see for me this is a problem because i dream of one day having the most awesome beard a man could grow and even though it may very well be ginger, i will still be a proud wearer of such a beard and will look after it more than i look after my entire body/life.
So yeah baldness aside, TIME HAS FLOWN PAST! I was planning on making a video the following week after my last one buttttt its been almost 3 weeks and it only feels like yesterday.
Alot of my time has been taken up by the band, we just played the first chunk of a little tour. It was originally a week and a half long but some people couldn't get time off work so we had to spread it out over weekends, The first weekend was the one that just past AND IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
The dudes we are touring with (A band called "kerouac") are awesome guys and are soo much fun. On the sunday when we played basingstoke we broke into an abandoned building before the show because the venue was in the middle of a industrial estate that had quite a few borded up buildings, some how we just went on a frenzy and started smashing everything up :s
Here is a video i made out of some of the stuff i filmed.
It all kicks off again this saturday through to tuesday, I can't fucking wait, i'm literally sitting around waiting for it to come round.
I think i really, REALLY needed this band. It happened just at the right moment alot of shit was going on and this just washed it all away, i don't think the other guys in the bad will ever read this, but if you do, thank you for letting me in you will never know how much this has changed me. x
P.S. Who ever texted me last time i posted on here can you text me again saying who you are because i don't have you number saved on my phone and i wanna know who it was because really appreciated the thought x
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Sunday, 23 May 2010
Long time, no speak/write.
I have not written a blog on here for ages because i was going to just use tumblr but it turns out tumblr has evolved past blogging into (For me) an image viewing site, i use it to look at art and stuff.
But anywho some people may know that during the past year or so i have been trying to write/sing my own acoustic music and since i have started writing, it's completely opened a whole new side of me, its completely mental it's like a flood gate. The reason that i have started blogging again is because i have written soo much shit down that my drawrs are overflowing with scribbled pieces of paper and even after all that shit i'm still constantly thinking about stuff, over analysing everything, judging things and experiencing things it just doesn't stop, the more i write about stuff the more my mind wonders about shit that doesn't need wondering about.
I seem to be spending time on the net before i go to bed, so it makes sense to write stuff down on here, tis a good place to store shit. Not real shit. It would prove difficult to store real shit on here. Ok bad joke. Not a joke. Play on words. If i was playing on a huge climbing frame spelling out the word "words" would it be a play on words?
Sorry had a brain fart.
I don't think people will find/read/care about this anyway so its pure benefits for me (Fishing for comments to see if this still appears in anyones blog feed)
Its sooo fucking hard having attractive friends, don't get me wrong i love them, they are my bro's but how am i ever going to fucking meet a girl when everywhere i go girls just fucking druel over my friends. Its soo fucking horrible being in the shadow of those guys.
I used to try and act more confident hopeing that would help but nothing really does. If he is the quiet one, that is the night when the girl is attracted to the quiet one and if he is drunk and confident, thats the night when the girl likes confidence on a man.
This is where i say i wish the world wasn't so shallow but thats such a cliche and we are all quilty of being shallow, i just wish i could sit down and talk to some people for a couple of hours when i first meet them. This way i feel i have more of a chance of getting their attetion and getting to know them. If not i am going to be lonely for a long time, which was never a problem for me until recently when everyone else around me is soo content with being involved in a warm, loving, comfortable relationship.
I've not even had a warm, comfortable, loving hug for year's i swear. You know the kind that im talking about, the hug that just feels soo comfortable and embracing that you don't want to let go, ever. The kind of hug where it only seems natural to follow with a kiss. I've forgotten what it feels like to have someones lips press against mine.
Infact i'm quite scared at the thought of it happening in the future, i'm soo out of practice, it feels like its been soo long that the whole "Kissing" exchange could be different like the no contact sex thing in "Demolition man"
This sounds mental but since all my mates got girlfriends/partners they focus alot of their attention on them which has just added to everything, this overwheling sense of abandonment. This isn't about attention, its companionship, humans need companionship to stay sane and mine is declining everyday to the point where writing shit down has now become very satisfying, its kinda like having a converstaion with myself haha.
Ahh this is soo long, i will never read this back, i will look and be like ohhhh thats too long to read. I'm looking forward to reading this in the future when the people around me/my situation has changed, to see if what i'm saying is actually the reason for how i feel or if its something else.
If you read all of that.....I'm sorry.
x
But anywho some people may know that during the past year or so i have been trying to write/sing my own acoustic music and since i have started writing, it's completely opened a whole new side of me, its completely mental it's like a flood gate. The reason that i have started blogging again is because i have written soo much shit down that my drawrs are overflowing with scribbled pieces of paper and even after all that shit i'm still constantly thinking about stuff, over analysing everything, judging things and experiencing things it just doesn't stop, the more i write about stuff the more my mind wonders about shit that doesn't need wondering about.
I seem to be spending time on the net before i go to bed, so it makes sense to write stuff down on here, tis a good place to store shit. Not real shit. It would prove difficult to store real shit on here. Ok bad joke. Not a joke. Play on words. If i was playing on a huge climbing frame spelling out the word "words" would it be a play on words?
Sorry had a brain fart.
I don't think people will find/read/care about this anyway so its pure benefits for me (Fishing for comments to see if this still appears in anyones blog feed)
Its sooo fucking hard having attractive friends, don't get me wrong i love them, they are my bro's but how am i ever going to fucking meet a girl when everywhere i go girls just fucking druel over my friends. Its soo fucking horrible being in the shadow of those guys.
I used to try and act more confident hopeing that would help but nothing really does. If he is the quiet one, that is the night when the girl is attracted to the quiet one and if he is drunk and confident, thats the night when the girl likes confidence on a man.
This is where i say i wish the world wasn't so shallow but thats such a cliche and we are all quilty of being shallow, i just wish i could sit down and talk to some people for a couple of hours when i first meet them. This way i feel i have more of a chance of getting their attetion and getting to know them. If not i am going to be lonely for a long time, which was never a problem for me until recently when everyone else around me is soo content with being involved in a warm, loving, comfortable relationship.
I've not even had a warm, comfortable, loving hug for year's i swear. You know the kind that im talking about, the hug that just feels soo comfortable and embracing that you don't want to let go, ever. The kind of hug where it only seems natural to follow with a kiss. I've forgotten what it feels like to have someones lips press against mine.
Infact i'm quite scared at the thought of it happening in the future, i'm soo out of practice, it feels like its been soo long that the whole "Kissing" exchange could be different like the no contact sex thing in "Demolition man"
This sounds mental but since all my mates got girlfriends/partners they focus alot of their attention on them which has just added to everything, this overwheling sense of abandonment. This isn't about attention, its companionship, humans need companionship to stay sane and mine is declining everyday to the point where writing shit down has now become very satisfying, its kinda like having a converstaion with myself haha.
Ahh this is soo long, i will never read this back, i will look and be like ohhhh thats too long to read. I'm looking forward to reading this in the future when the people around me/my situation has changed, to see if what i'm saying is actually the reason for how i feel or if its something else.
If you read all of that.....I'm sorry.
x
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
wierdest/best night everr.
Ok the following events are all 100% true.
Me and my friend elsie decided that we were going to go on a trip to London for dinner and hangouts, it was an amazing plan.
We drove to Boston Manor and parked to get the tube into covent garden, elsie showed me her flat she used to live in and we wondered around for a while soaking in the sun and loud noises from the street performers of covent garden.
We then decided to go to south-bank and ended up sitting on a bench talking until the sun went down and all the lights came on and we both agreed on not liking the green light on big ben it clashes with the traditional architecture.
When it started to get cold we decided to go into wagamama's for dinner, that was amazing as always ^____^.
After dinner we had to get the tube back to the car before we missed the last one, as we got back to the car, Elsie wanted to drive back into central and drive about because the lights in central london are beautiful. As we were driving we pulled upside a Mercedes driver and we both waved at him (If you been driving with me in my car you know the rules)
This guy didn't wave back so i thought to myself:
"I wanna follow this guy"
SO i asked elsie if she was cool with that and she was like "Lets doo this shit"
So the epic journey began.
We literally followed this guys for about 1:45 mins.
Changing lanes when he did in and out lol.
When we got to traffic lights behind him we pulled down the sun blockers to cover our faces.
He was getting very paranoid. ( Who wouldn't)
At one point he was soo scared he pulled off a main road and pulled into space outside a house but he left his head lights on, so we were like "This definitely isn't his house"
So we turned around at the end of then road so he was in our headlights, then he started driving towards us and we panicked, i was sweating tbh i quickly did a 3 point turned pulled around the corner, turned my lights off and waited for him to come around the corner.
Eventually he did and i turned my lights on and began to follow him again.
We got around the corner onto a motorway and him being a Mercedes driver put his foot down and poor little kenny couldn't keep up :(
We had a look around and we didnt have a clue where we were, we had been driving for about 1 hour 45 mins and we had driven under various tunnels on and many different roads, eventually we came across a sign saying we had just left kent so we had left london gone to kent and now we were going out the other side.
At this point is was about 4 in the morning.
Following this mass stalking which was strangly very enjoyable and one of the funniest things i have ever done in my life we decided ot make our way home (If we could)
As we got onto the m25 we saw a tourist sign to a castle and instantly we both were like "Lets go to the castle"
^___^ i LOVE instant mutual agreements.
We pulled off the M25 to go to this castle, which was 24 miles away lol.
But eventually after a million bendy country roads filled with fog and conversations of serial killers climbing into our boot, and what we would do in that situation, we came across the castle grounds which were locked up :(
Whilst we were pulling out of the castle grounds we saw a sign to Brighton and we looked at each other and we were both puzzled about how the hell we ended up anywhere near Brighton from london lol.
So that being the only familiar name on the road signs we followed.
Another long journey filled with conversation, service station stops and driving around roundabouts the wrong way because we could (Scariest thing i have ever done)
We ended up in a place called lewes which Elsie knew well and said
"OMG there is a castle here"
So naturally we pulled over and continued our journey by foot but again the castle was closed but this time for construction.
Disappointing we got back into the car and continued on our journey to brighton.
As we arrived in brighton we were very dissapointed at the fact that the lights on the pier where turned off :( we drove around for a bit and on our way out of brighton there was a stranger trying to thumb down cars, i just drove past not thinking twice to pick him him but as i got down the road, i put myself in his situation.
Hitchhiking would definitely be a last resort and tons of people just drove past him, i was in that situation a couple of months ago when my car broke down and i know people are kinda scared of hitchhikers but he could have been there for hours in the freezing cold.
Then whilst i was thinking this, Elsie turned around and said she felt bad leaving him there, so we turned around, locked our doors and pulled up along side this guy.
Turns out he was Austrian and he was on holiday in Brighton.
All his friends had left him and he had no idea where he was and he had been trying to get a ride for 5 HOURS.
I couldn't believe it.
He told us where he lived and we had no clue what so ever because we are not form brighton.
We said we would take him to the nearest station and get directions from there.
Turns out he was staying in peacehaven which would have taken him about4 or 5 hours to walk to so again me and elsie looked at each other and we both knew we were gunna take him there.
So this crazy drunk 19 year old Austrian guy called Phil hoped in the back of my car.
As we were driving him back to his hostel, we told him about our night soo far about london and following that car, getting lost and the castles and he was like "OHHHHH you guys are crazy"
At this point he was probaly shitting himself thinking
"OMG i got into a car filled with psycho's"
We managed to find his hostel pretty easy it was just near the sea front.
After we dropped him off, we found an amazing parking spot on top of a cliff over looking the sea and the sun started coming up, so we decided t watch it rise over the sea ^____^
It was amazing.
After this i was definitely tired and we decided to go home.
On the way we decided to visit arundel castle but that was also closed.
So we just went home.
We eventually got home about 9 o'clock and as soon i put my head down i passed out.
I woke up at 5:00 and it seemed like a dream.
The only thing it was missing was a person who i know would have loved it even more than me.
Sorry about the lenght of this but i had to write it down so i never forget it.
x
Me and my friend elsie decided that we were going to go on a trip to London for dinner and hangouts, it was an amazing plan.
We drove to Boston Manor and parked to get the tube into covent garden, elsie showed me her flat she used to live in and we wondered around for a while soaking in the sun and loud noises from the street performers of covent garden.
We then decided to go to south-bank and ended up sitting on a bench talking until the sun went down and all the lights came on and we both agreed on not liking the green light on big ben it clashes with the traditional architecture.
When it started to get cold we decided to go into wagamama's for dinner, that was amazing as always ^____^.
After dinner we had to get the tube back to the car before we missed the last one, as we got back to the car, Elsie wanted to drive back into central and drive about because the lights in central london are beautiful. As we were driving we pulled upside a Mercedes driver and we both waved at him (If you been driving with me in my car you know the rules)
This guy didn't wave back so i thought to myself:
"I wanna follow this guy"
SO i asked elsie if she was cool with that and she was like "Lets doo this shit"
So the epic journey began.
We literally followed this guys for about 1:45 mins.
Changing lanes when he did in and out lol.
When we got to traffic lights behind him we pulled down the sun blockers to cover our faces.
He was getting very paranoid. ( Who wouldn't)
At one point he was soo scared he pulled off a main road and pulled into space outside a house but he left his head lights on, so we were like "This definitely isn't his house"
So we turned around at the end of then road so he was in our headlights, then he started driving towards us and we panicked, i was sweating tbh i quickly did a 3 point turned pulled around the corner, turned my lights off and waited for him to come around the corner.
Eventually he did and i turned my lights on and began to follow him again.
We got around the corner onto a motorway and him being a Mercedes driver put his foot down and poor little kenny couldn't keep up :(
We had a look around and we didnt have a clue where we were, we had been driving for about 1 hour 45 mins and we had driven under various tunnels on and many different roads, eventually we came across a sign saying we had just left kent so we had left london gone to kent and now we were going out the other side.
At this point is was about 4 in the morning.
Following this mass stalking which was strangly very enjoyable and one of the funniest things i have ever done in my life we decided ot make our way home (If we could)
As we got onto the m25 we saw a tourist sign to a castle and instantly we both were like "Lets go to the castle"
^___^ i LOVE instant mutual agreements.
We pulled off the M25 to go to this castle, which was 24 miles away lol.
But eventually after a million bendy country roads filled with fog and conversations of serial killers climbing into our boot, and what we would do in that situation, we came across the castle grounds which were locked up :(
Whilst we were pulling out of the castle grounds we saw a sign to Brighton and we looked at each other and we were both puzzled about how the hell we ended up anywhere near Brighton from london lol.
So that being the only familiar name on the road signs we followed.
Another long journey filled with conversation, service station stops and driving around roundabouts the wrong way because we could (Scariest thing i have ever done)
We ended up in a place called lewes which Elsie knew well and said
"OMG there is a castle here"
So naturally we pulled over and continued our journey by foot but again the castle was closed but this time for construction.
Disappointing we got back into the car and continued on our journey to brighton.
As we arrived in brighton we were very dissapointed at the fact that the lights on the pier where turned off :( we drove around for a bit and on our way out of brighton there was a stranger trying to thumb down cars, i just drove past not thinking twice to pick him him but as i got down the road, i put myself in his situation.
Hitchhiking would definitely be a last resort and tons of people just drove past him, i was in that situation a couple of months ago when my car broke down and i know people are kinda scared of hitchhikers but he could have been there for hours in the freezing cold.
Then whilst i was thinking this, Elsie turned around and said she felt bad leaving him there, so we turned around, locked our doors and pulled up along side this guy.
Turns out he was Austrian and he was on holiday in Brighton.
All his friends had left him and he had no idea where he was and he had been trying to get a ride for 5 HOURS.
I couldn't believe it.
He told us where he lived and we had no clue what so ever because we are not form brighton.
We said we would take him to the nearest station and get directions from there.
Turns out he was staying in peacehaven which would have taken him about4 or 5 hours to walk to so again me and elsie looked at each other and we both knew we were gunna take him there.
So this crazy drunk 19 year old Austrian guy called Phil hoped in the back of my car.
As we were driving him back to his hostel, we told him about our night soo far about london and following that car, getting lost and the castles and he was like "OHHHHH you guys are crazy"
At this point he was probaly shitting himself thinking
"OMG i got into a car filled with psycho's"
We managed to find his hostel pretty easy it was just near the sea front.
After we dropped him off, we found an amazing parking spot on top of a cliff over looking the sea and the sun started coming up, so we decided t watch it rise over the sea ^____^
It was amazing.
After this i was definitely tired and we decided to go home.
On the way we decided to visit arundel castle but that was also closed.
So we just went home.
We eventually got home about 9 o'clock and as soon i put my head down i passed out.
I woke up at 5:00 and it seemed like a dream.
The only thing it was missing was a person who i know would have loved it even more than me.
Sorry about the lenght of this but i had to write it down so i never forget it.
x
Wednesday, 25 February 2009
Today me.
I feel weird today.
Usually by now my body would be craving food but im not hungry in the slightest.
I'm sat at work drinking a cup of tea which seems to be an effort to drink, usually i would happily swig it down and then make another one.
I dont even find it amusing that the coaster is sticking to the mug every time i pick the cup up to take a swig.
I'm kinda just sat here not hot, not cold.
A completely neutral temperature.
I'm not even getting wound up by the customers.
Two people just came of one of the squash court and one said to the other.
"You used to play better when you were an alcoholic"
I would have usually pissed my self laughing, but i couldn't even force out a smile, i just took their money and slumped back don into this worn chair.
The only thing reminding me that this isn't a dream is my smell.
I haven't washed for a few days now, i would just put on some deodorant to temporarily cover up the smell, but i left my bag containing my deodorant and my Nintendo DS at a Macdonald's in Basingstoke.
I will probably never see them again and i honestly don't care.
I don't know if thats just today me or just general me.
Ok so i just stole some deodorant from the cupboard, I'm not usually one for stealing but free stuff is good.
Now i smell good i can settle for today being a dream.
This means I'm sleeping in a warm and comfy bed somewhere.
I like that thought.
x
Usually by now my body would be craving food but im not hungry in the slightest.
I'm sat at work drinking a cup of tea which seems to be an effort to drink, usually i would happily swig it down and then make another one.
I dont even find it amusing that the coaster is sticking to the mug every time i pick the cup up to take a swig.
I'm kinda just sat here not hot, not cold.
A completely neutral temperature.
I'm not even getting wound up by the customers.
Two people just came of one of the squash court and one said to the other.
"You used to play better when you were an alcoholic"
I would have usually pissed my self laughing, but i couldn't even force out a smile, i just took their money and slumped back don into this worn chair.
The only thing reminding me that this isn't a dream is my smell.
I haven't washed for a few days now, i would just put on some deodorant to temporarily cover up the smell, but i left my bag containing my deodorant and my Nintendo DS at a Macdonald's in Basingstoke.
I will probably never see them again and i honestly don't care.
I don't know if thats just today me or just general me.
Ok so i just stole some deodorant from the cupboard, I'm not usually one for stealing but free stuff is good.
Now i smell good i can settle for today being a dream.
This means I'm sleeping in a warm and comfy bed somewhere.
I like that thought.
x
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
All is going shit.
Great, my house mate just told me he HATES me and if we weren't living in this house together he would never talk to me again and completely erase me from his life.
Definately was bad timess.
Im going.
Ive been packing my stuff all day, i got nowhere to move to but im gunna call around some friends.
I cant stay here any more.
I will still have to pay rent on this house soo i need somewhere for free.
This place has never really felt like home anyway.
Hmm haha another crazy adventure in my life.
Hopefully i will find somewhere in the next couple of days.
Its hard living in the same house with someone who hates you, i don't wanna leave my room.
Sorry i haven't written in soo long.
x
Definately was bad timess.
Im going.
Ive been packing my stuff all day, i got nowhere to move to but im gunna call around some friends.
I cant stay here any more.
I will still have to pay rent on this house soo i need somewhere for free.
This place has never really felt like home anyway.
Hmm haha another crazy adventure in my life.
Hopefully i will find somewhere in the next couple of days.
Its hard living in the same house with someone who hates you, i don't wanna leave my room.
Sorry i haven't written in soo long.
x
Sunday, 8 February 2009
ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY.
At least i know who i am and have got enough balls to do what I want to do.
You.
You are him and he is you.
Aesthetically and mentally.
You speak the same.
You share the same lust.
Your addiction is the same.
Your programmed mindset is a huge weight on society, hence the bad name that burdens all students and youths alike.
You choose to perpetuate the negative stereotype of students.
You choose a life that is not your own.
You choose to walk your life in someone else's shoes.
You may as well not exist, there are a million "yous", and guess what?
That girl doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't either and neither does she.
Stop looking upon women as fucking disposable sex toys for you to get your dick wet with.
Get some fucking self respect, step into your own shoes and do what you want to do and not what is expected of you.
There is so much more to life than blurry, forgotten nights having meaningless sex with nameless people.
Love life in its purest forms - Natural beauty, love, culture and friendship.
Jeez I fucking hate some people.
I hate kebab houses, where people ask "Are you seriously wearing that? Or is it dress up night?"
Cunts.
You.
You are him and he is you.
Aesthetically and mentally.
You speak the same.
You share the same lust.
Your addiction is the same.
Your programmed mindset is a huge weight on society, hence the bad name that burdens all students and youths alike.
You choose to perpetuate the negative stereotype of students.
You choose a life that is not your own.
You choose to walk your life in someone else's shoes.
You may as well not exist, there are a million "yous", and guess what?
That girl doesn't want to have sex with you, she doesn't either and neither does she.
Stop looking upon women as fucking disposable sex toys for you to get your dick wet with.
Get some fucking self respect, step into your own shoes and do what you want to do and not what is expected of you.
There is so much more to life than blurry, forgotten nights having meaningless sex with nameless people.
Love life in its purest forms - Natural beauty, love, culture and friendship.
Jeez I fucking hate some people.
I hate kebab houses, where people ask "Are you seriously wearing that? Or is it dress up night?"
Cunts.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
WOW SOMETHING INTERESTING!!!
Ok soo after typing my that blog just now, i decided to do something interesting and go and work on one of my songs ive been writing and i thought i would share it with the people who read this, because i love them ^__^
It is an instrumental track, sometimes the feeling of a song can speak just as loud as words, sorry about the midi violin i just don't own a real one, and the mix is really rough at the moment..
Wow here we goo, first time i have ever broadcasted my music across the internet.
Go here (Its free) -> IANS MUSIC
It is an instrumental track, sometimes the feeling of a song can speak just as loud as words, sorry about the midi violin i just don't own a real one, and the mix is really rough at the moment..
Wow here we goo, first time i have ever broadcasted my music across the internet.
Go here (Its free) -> IANS MUSIC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
